Why "networking" doesn't work (and what does)

Most professionals who tell me they're bad at networking aren't bad at networking.

They're bad at transactional conversations. And they've conflated the two.

There's a difference. Transactional networking is showing up to an event, collecting business cards, following up with people you have no real reason to contact, hoping something sticks. It feels hollow because it is hollow. The other person can feel it too. Nothing lands because nothing genuine is driving it.

When I dig into what's actually happening with clients who say they hate networking, the real sentence is almost always: "I don't know how to reach out to someone without feeling like I'm using them."

That's not a networking problem. That's a framing problem.

Here's the shift I give every client who gets stuck here: stop thinking about what you need, and start thinking about what you can give.

Content is the most natural version of this. When you write something from your own experience -- something you've learned, something you've observed, something you've worked through -- you're giving. You're putting something useful into the world without asking for anything back. And through that, you meet people. Not because you targeted them. Because what you shared reached them at the right moment.

I've had more meaningful professional relationships start from a LinkedIn comment than from any networking event I've attended. Someone read something I wrote and it landed. They reached out. We talked. That's not networking in the traditional sense. That's reputation creating connection.

The same principle applies to introductions, to coffee conversations, to responding to someone's post. Lead with something genuine. Share something useful. Ask a question you actually want answered. The transactional feeling disappears the moment the motivation shifts from getting to giving.

The professionals who are never short of meaningful connections aren't working harder at networking. They've built something people want to be connected to. Their positioning is clear enough, and their presence is consistent enough, that the relationships find them.

That's the real distinction. Not networking versus not networking. Reputation versus transaction.

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